Back Again And Being Honest

Again, again and again I’ve tried to keep up with this blog and each time it falls flat. I make plan after plan, but it never sticks. So here I am again trying my bloody hardest to keep it from sinking a little while longer.

Looking back at my last few failed attempts it’s because I let things get on top of me way too quickly So I shut up shop, and said nothing. Which is ridiculous.

Only recently I had a moment where I thought, You know what? it’s okay to speak about feeling down. Speaking to your loved ones and family about seems really obvious but it’s actually harder than you think. From my point of view I didn’t want to burden them about my problems of  me feeling sad.

And of course we all feel sad or down at times. It’s human nature. But sometimes it gets a bit tough.

What shocks me that I read an article recently of someone who’s classed as a ‘celebrity’ who’s telling his son to not cry. In his words, “that’s for girls”. The most outdated sentence he could of have said and the most damaging. To have such a large following and spreading the word to basically bottle up emotions. It’s beyond words.

To put it bluntly, Some people really need to get their heads out of their backsides and get a grip. 

I’m far from being depressed, but feeling mentally down is exhausting and needs to spoken about especially for men. I’m sick of this macho man behaviour. Being strong and big isn’t about how many veins pop out of your arms, or shutting out any emotions. Imagine telling a loved one that you’re not interested in their well-being. It’s a sentence that is laughable. Which is what made me realise having a chat or a cry (which is what I did, a lot) is nothing to be ashamed of. 

I can tell you now, I’ve cried plenty of times and it’s bloody good lads. 

Taking a look back at the last few years after uni I’m still struggling to find my feet if I’m honest. I still haven’t found my place where I want to be. It actually really hurts. Constant rejection, one after the other really takes its toll. It’s very easy to get stuck in a rut after uni, which is sometimes how I 

feel. I see some of my old uni friends doing so well and I’m so proud of them.

But it makes you feel like you’ve gone wrong somewhere. 

When the truth is I haven’t. After many creative degrees it is difficult to find you feet so if any one is reading this who’s done the same or going to uni, DO NOT PANIC. I don’t know where my degree is going to take me but I’ve got so many skills that I learnt. Something will happen. Being down about things like this is normal.

You want to do something you enjoy and you want to do it well, it’s just getting that opportunity.

It’s also realising that you have a place to speak more openly about how you’re feeling, which is what I’m learning to do. It’s something that will take time but I’m ready to put in the work.

This post is a mix of everything really, but I needed to start somewhere. I plan to try and keep up with writing at least twice a month (maybe more) as a starter. And reading back on before I was happy with what I wrote about but I want to change it slightly. My idea from the start has always been fashion and style so that will always be apart of it. But I want to look into more sustainable fashion and find out how to be aware of it. This is a topic I think people and myself need more awareness of. I’ve recently got into my film cameras again and once they get the green light, I want to document some exciting trips I’ve got coming up.

I want to write things that make me feel happy. Like today. Speaking about being sad and my plans for the future makes me feel good!

Also this may sound incredibly stupid and cliché but, make sure you take the time out for days out. Smiling because you want to smile not because you feel like you have to is the best feeling.

So the next post could be about cooking or something that’s caught my eye, or any ideas I’ve been thinking about creating (which I have a few). As long it makes me happy then why not? And you also might enjoy it too who knows.

Thanks very much,

Sam